Sunday, 1 April 2012

Moody Bond. This is my angry face.

Bond quits the service (properly this time) after Leiter gets munched on and Bond is pissed off. Very pissed off.

 My name is Bond, Angry Bond

Leiter, who now works fighting against drug lords in Florida finally gets his man, the evil Sanchez, on his wedding day. Not bad for a bloke who seemingly hasn't aged since New Orleans and Live and Let Die. Unfortunately for Leiter, Sanchez is adept at bribing the polizei so gets sprung by Big Ed Hurley from Twin Peaks and sets about making him fish food. We'll neglect that this part of the storyline is lifted from the Live and Let Die novel shall we?

He disagreed with something that ate him

It's OK though as Timmy's come good in this one even if it's just because of the swearing.

OK, that's a bit unfair, but Licence to Kill is the first Bond to get a 15 rating and this can only have come from the 'shit' and 'bullshit' that litter the script. Having said that this is a much more grown up Bond film than we've seen in a long time despite the ill advised use of a stuffed swordfish and a nuclear powered electric eel. All but gone are the one liners and ridiculous set pieces as we're pumped up on vendetta. Although we do still get the obligatory yellow underwater vehicles.

Bond shows himself to be remarkably resourceful as he sets about getting his revenge by infiltrating Sanchez's organisation as he appears in full SCUBA gear without a blink to help him half hinch $5 million from Milton Krest. Bond picks up the strangely androgynous Pam Bouvier on the way to Isthmus City where a run in with some Hong Kong heavies gets him admitted to Sanchez's private circle.

It's here we see Bond discover Sanchez has developed away to dissolve cocaine in petrol to make it easier to smuggle. I dread to think of the price of a litre of 5* Plus, but it'll be a touch more than £1.48. In the background we have a very young Benicio del Toro, before he got his teeth done, a moonlighting Q, a bloke out of Die Hard and a very heavily made up TV evangelist.

No, I'm not Englebert Humperdinck

You'll never watch the God Channel in the same way again. Out the back of Holy Bonkers Town is Sanchez's drugs facility where he invites his clients for a tour before they stump up vast millions of dollars for petro-coke. Bond goes along for the ride and is issued with a little face mask. The little face mask is to protect the party from inhaling too much product and chatting shit at 40 mph for the rest of the film.

Bond's cunning disguise is soon rumbled by del Toro which leads to some good old fashioned arson to end Sanchez's operation before an unusually good chase involving oil tankers.  The tension is kept up before Sanchez goes stereotypical with a machete and Dalton gets to homage George Smiley with his present from Mr and Mrs Leiter. Sanchez meets with one of the franchises most unpleasant demises.  That'll teach him for trying to escape in such a crap car. Robert Davi based his performance on Casino Royale's Le Chiffre and stayed in character in true method acting style throughout. I wonder if he kept the lizard.

James Bond will return, after some boring legal tussles and an inordinate length of time. This time he'll be coiffured to perfection.